God exists and God is a corporation
By J. Stanton and W. Madsen
10 July 2002
The evidence is irrefutable. Whether through one of "his"
subsidiaries -Islam Catholicism or Christian Evangelical- it's clear
that God believes in one world under capitalism and demands of his
minions a healthy investment portfolio of stocks and mutual funds,
and an unquestioning faith in the corporate purveyors of greed and
God is extravagant in tastes, paternal in his worldview, and relishes
the publicity he gets on US currency and in daily recitals of US
Pledge of Allegiance. He is thrilled at the building of palatial
houses of worship around the world at the expense of the hundreds
of millions of those who are impoverished and struggle to find food,
clothing and shelter.
Is their any doubt that God favors the ruthlessly powerful and
wealthy: the Bushes and Bin Ladens, the Murdochs and Alsauds, the
Rumsfelds and Cheneys?
God has no problem with income disparity and the brutal competition
that is capitalism. In fact, he encourages it, applauds it. His
beloved imbecile, US President George Bush II, spoke recently for
God when he said that all matters political come from God and that
God should have a say in appointing judges to America's courts.
But there's more. The President owes God because God helped him
become a real capitalist by helping him become a millionaire.
With so many poor, so many middle-income households struggling
to make ends meet, can their be any doubt about where God's priorities
are? Is it any surprise that God is hard at work through his corporations
lobbying the US Congress for more tax breaks, manipulating world
financial markets, changing tax codes everywhere to favor his wealthy
minions, and making sure that corporate executives receive immunity
At Crown Financial Ministries "God's Financial Principles"
are taught to practitioners. According to Crown, God suggests that
disciplined financial management comes from investing according
to the financial advice in the Bible. No econometric models here.
"It is the blessing of the Lord that makes rich, and He adds
no sorrow to it" (Proverbs 10:22). With that advise, Crown
provides religious leaders and their flocks with the necessary tools
to invest and manage money for easy living and, of course, turning
earnings into donations back to God's bureaucracy.
God invests through his various subsidiaries making money on everything
including hip replacement gear, video games, soft drinks, genetic
engineering and defense contracting. Over at Christian Stewardship
Funds, God's investment managers are pretty picky about "evildoers"
who might get their hands on God's money. Christian scrubs its funds
and shuns investments in stocks or bonds of companies involved in
abortion, alcohol, gambling, pornography, and tobacco industries.
Christian claims that it is the only index mutual fund family with
But wait! The Timothy Plan goes one step beyond the Christian financial
offering and claims that it is "is a family of mutual funds
offering individuals, like yourself, a biblical choice when it comes
to investing. If you are concerned with the moral issues (abortion,
pornography, anti-family entertainment, non-married/same-sex lifestyles,
alcohol, tobacco and gambling) that are destroying children and
families you have come to the right place." Oddly, though,
one of Timothy's portfolios includes investments in BioGen, a company
that develops drugs through genetic engineering and Electronic Arts,
purveyors of violent video games. Also in the mix is KPMG Consulting,
the firm with many US defense contracts and responsible for the
flaky audit of Xerox.
Business Week reports that KPMG is under investigation by the SEC
here in the US and is getting hammered in Germany. "On Apr.
24, KPMG Germany was forced to disavow the financial reports of
former client Comroad, a small software maker based near Munich.
The embarrassing reason: On Apr. 23, a new auditor found that 97%
of Comroad's reported sales in 2000 came from a nonexistent company.
Former Comroad CEO Bodo A. Schnabel is in jail, awaiting trial on
fraud charges. In an attempt at damage control, KPMG has said it
will re-audit all 35 clients whose stocks trade on Frankfurt's tech-heavy
Neuer Market." Nothing like some good old time Christian fraud.
But it's the return that counts, no matter whether it's tinkering
with the genetic code (obviously God's not concerned about that
anymore) or the linkage to malfeasance that many of Timothy's investments
Show Me the Money!
"In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful"
reads the banner at the Islamic Development Bank in Jeddah, Saudi
Arabia. Founded in 1975, the Bank's purpose is to promote "economic
development and social progress of member countries and Muslim communities
individually as well as jointly in accordance with the principles
of Shari'ah. i.e. Islamic Law." The bank helped get the attention
of Wall Street and subsequently in 1999, the Dow Jones Islamic Market
index was created which contains roughly 1,862 Shari`ah-compliant
stocks from 34 countries with a market capitalization of US $11
trillion. The FTSE Islamic Market Index contains 660 Shari'a-compliant
companies and includes notables such as Coca-Cola and Microsoft.
Islamic financial advice, like their Christian counterparts at
Crown, are laced with quotes from "holy" works reminding
the investor or borrower of the gravity of investing with God or
borrowing from God. "Be fearful of a day when you shall be
returned to Allah, then everybody shall be paid, in full, what he
has earned. And they shall not be wronged." That admonishment
appears on an Islamic-banking site after a discussion of finance
and borrowing. According to the Qur'an and the Bible, messing around
with God's money -not getting a good return- can get one into a
lot of trouble and cause problems on judgement day.
Of course, no look at God's finances would be complete without
the Catholic Church. The Catholic Values Investment Trust puts God's
money into roughly 100 Blue Chip stocks but the money can only be
invested after the Church Magisterium and the Trust's Board of Advisors
reviews the stocks to make sure that the companies represented by
the stocks adhere to God's teachings. The Board has as its members
Margaret Heckler, a former Congresswoman, Ambassador and US government
bureaucrat, and two former ambassadors to the Holy See in Rome.
Investments include defense contractors General Electric and ITT
Industries, Alcoa Aluminum, American Express, Coke, Pepsi and oil
and energy conglomerates. Put up US$ 1,000 and you can get in on
the high yields of the Catholic Trust.
In the immortal words of Pastor Simon of Cheltenham, UK, "We
see God -far from being averse to money- gives power to get wealth.
Power to get wealth is available with God. So what do we need to
do? We need to remember God and recognize His plan for wealth in
the hands of godly men and women."
So get out there and be the best capitalist taskmaster you can.
And remember when you put your soul up for auction on E-Bay, drive
a hard bargain with God. After all, he's a capitalist too.
Copyright © 2002 by the News Insider, John Stanton and Wayne
John Stanton is a Virginia-based writer on national security affairs
and Wayne Madsen is a Washington, DC-based investigative journalist
who writes and comments frequently on civil liberties and human
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