Underwear
by McBourbon
A young lady asked me the other night what kind of underwear I had on. Since I was on my seventh Black and Tan (the tall 22oz ones) I had not yet forgotten what I was wearing and answered “boxer briefs.” She smiled and then shared this seemingly intimate info with her table of friends, who all looked over smiling and discussing my choice in undergarments.

So I got to thinking about underwear. And first, since it was the subject at hand, I thought about men’s underwear. For us guys, we’ve got some alternatives. First of all, there are the tried and true Tighty Whities. These staples of men’s underwear should, however, be removed from your wardrobe the minute you have the opportunity to tell your mother to fuck herself…you won’t wear them anymore. They are the single biggest sex-kill known to femininity and will usually warrant a pretty severe laughing at should you get to a point where a girl would actually mercy-fuck you. I say mercy-fuck because most guys who are still wearing tighty whities in their twenty’s or even thirty’s are pretty much resigned to mercy-fucks anyway. In fact, anything white should be dispensed with immediately.Nothing worse than having a girl dedak you on the throes of passion and her having a face frontal witha juicy fresh brown stain.

Fuck this is a gay ass picture, what were we thinking?
Another alternative is the bikini, and although it is popular among gay European men, we have no need for striped or zebra printed underwear cut high on the sides in this country. Sure, male porn stars of the seventies popularized this undergarment, but unless you still have a mustache and that douchebag helmet for a hairstyle with the part down the middle and the “feathered” sides…try to lay off the weed, get out of the VW bus, and realize it’s …we do things a little differently now.

Boxers are the next alternative for us men, and chicks love these as much as we do. They’re good for built in air conditioning, keeping our sperm count high, and easy access should we need to get the hog out of the pen in a hurry. They come in all styles and prints, including plain white if you’re in that transference time from the TW’s to the boxers, and they can even be matched with holiday themes or seasonal ones. Even if you’re not wearing them…this should always be the answer when asked what kind of underwear you’re wearing…more about that later.

These pictures can’t get any more homo-erotic.
Finally, I myself prefer the boxer brief. The Hanes bike shorts looking, Michael Jordan wearing u-trou that have the boxer and brief feel but provide that good look for ladies from the outside of what your packing inside. The boxers hide that…and that’s why I abandoned them in my early college years for the more intimate boxer briefs. Of course, these will just get you laughed at by most women because they do, in fact, look almost exactly like Spandex bike shorts…especially the black ones from Hanes. Try to avoid these. Gray and white are good colors….not much else.

Wow, was I wrong, they can get even gayer.
As for the ladies, one of the greatest inventions of the 20th century was the thong. It comes in many different styles and colors and it offers a WAY HOTTER alternative underwear picture to those big, cotton, granny panties we used to have to strip off you ladies just to find that Cracker Jack prize.

Let’s face it, no one wants to see a girl leaning over the bar and realize that her hip huggers have just dropped an inch or two as her shirt slid upward to find a pair of bloomers with the tiny yellow flowers on it. My dick would shrivel up faster than a slug taking a salt bath on a hot sidewalk if a girl came into the bar looking like that. But that thong peaking out past those hip huggers and under that midriff shirt just screams SEXY. So, I say to you women…well…those of you with bodies built for sin…WEAR YOUR THONGS! And we’ll try not to embarrass ourselves any longer with tighty whities and bikini briefs.